Embracing Life Outside the Box

Where are you holding yourself back?

Society’s focus on racism right now can’t help but also highlight all of the discrimination prevalent in our society:

Sexism

Ageism

Ableism (discrimination against people with disabilities)

Sexual orientation discrimination

Xenophobia (fear against people from foreign places)

Transphobia

Homophobia

They all perpetuate false ideals. Many assume that there is a neutral – i.e. heterosexual white English-speakers. Many ascribe superior and inferior values depending on where one might be on the spectrum.

Minimizing the breadth of possibilities to simple have and have nots does a disservice to everyone. It forces us all to live and see within boxes. We don’t get to stretch, explore, and embrace the possibilities inherent in life. Nature doesn’t live within tidy boxes. Her seeds and scents spread in the wind, while clouds drift overhead. Nuts, fruits, and leaves fall to the ground, ready for their next incarnation. Squirrels may gather the nuts, insects may feast on the fruit, and leaves build soil for the future, all in a divine intertwined dance. Her waters run from springs, through forests, down riverbeds, and meld into the sea only to return as rain and seep into the earth once again. Life cycles through beings and places with an organic elegance, and few hard lines.

Likewise life cycles through us with every breath, water keeps us hydrated, and food builds our tissues. To be frank, we all also use the loo...so we give back as well! There is no separateness from nature. We are nature. Similarly, there is no separateness from others. As humans we all cycle through the same emotions, and want to love and be loved. We breathe, eat, and sleep. No matter where you are, the basics of human experience are more alike than different.

As we all continue to unwrap the layers of oppression within and around us, we can look to the abundance of this amazing earth that continues to provide – air, water, sun, food and more, filling us with life through every sense. We often let the voices, gifts, and struggles of others pour through us just as easily.

By centering perspectives we’re not used to seeing we can get to know life beyond the boxes. There is no center-point on earth's surface, nor is there a neutral perspective. Leaning into different viewpoints, we step into the breadth and depth of the human experience. This may be as simple as following more BIPOC/LGBQTIA+ people on social media, reading one of their books, or getting to know them personally. By making it more and more common in our daily experience, we can relate to the humanness in others and forget about those arbitrary lines drawn in the sand. We can love more deeply and widely– both others and ourselves. We can get to know people beyond their name, and beyond a hashtag. While it’s important to #saytheirnames, it’s probably more important to get to know people who are alive and sharing their voice, gifts, and struggles with the world.

We may be shy about speaking about certain topics. Listening to others, in all their candid glory, can help us to open up and love vulnerable parts within ourselves, while admiring the speaker's boldness.

Anti-racism is not only about helping the marginalized groups. When we work to dismantle the structures of oppression we grant ourselves freedom too.

So I return to my original question. Where are you holding yourself back? Where are you putting yourself in a box? And what resources – perspectives, people, habits, info, etc., can help you break out?

This isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. Be gentle with yourself. Remember to eat, sleep, move, and reflect. Give yourself a solid foundation so you can be the change you wish to see in the world. And when times for action come up, you'll be ready to stand in your own glory.

photo credit: Alex Radelich via Unsplash.com - Los Angeles protest

Turn on your reset button

in 3 simple steps

Our bodies are amazing. Our brains are amazing. We are wired for resiliency.

When we learn something new our brain paves new neural pathways. I like to picture that the brain has some highly developed areas (old patterns), and wild & raw, untapped areas teeming with possibilities.

When we’re stuck in an old pattern, it’s easy to think that there’s no way out. Lately I’ve been going back and forth between old, unhealthy patterns, and creating new, supportive ones. Under stress it’s easy to revert to old tendencies. After all, those areas are some of the most highly trafficked parts of the brain, with tried and true, familiar roads.

Lately I’ve been learning the Hanuman Chalisa, basically a long song/prayer in Sanskrit. Practicing it turns my brain into mush. As I fumble through new words and rhythms, all my attention is in the present. There is no space for worry, anxiety, depression, or even frustration if I want to make progress. It lets me focus on the present in a liberating way.

The same happened last week as I clumsily followed a dance teacher’s choreography in an online class. Just like muscles get sore after a hard workout, the brain softens and restructures itself when we learn something new.

Have you ever felt your brain turn to mush when learning something new?

I feel a similar liberating presence when drawing, writing, or gardening. I’m able to learn from the present without thinking about anything else.

What activities help you to focus on the present?

Paving new pathways takes a combo of slow and steady repetition, and short interval sprints. I have a daily 5-10 minute exercise practice, AND join a longer class online at least once a week. I focus on making myself at least one simple made-from-scratch meal per day, AND have a day where I go all out, making a few dishes and a healthy baked good too. Everything is connected. When you make progress in one area (exercise, work, meal prep, house cleaning, deep social connection), you support the other parts of you to also thrive. Guess what...you can start where it's easiest, and work your way to the harder stuff.

With most folks at home, and so many online offerings right now, it’s easier than ever to find support. And it's also easy to get overwhelmed and veg out. So let’s get you feeling your best!

3 Steps to shift into more Joy, Fulfillment, and Productivity

Here are the 3 steps in more detail:

1. Make a menu of small things you can do to support yourself in positive ways. Here are some examples:

• Go for a short 5-10 minute walk or jog.

• I often phone a friend...it helps motivate me

• Get outside - even if you just take out the trash or go get the mail.

• Play an uplifting song while you clean up around the house.

• Sing along... Singing has so many therapeutic benefits!

• 5-10 sun salutations.

• Call a friend when you’re feeling down.

• Join a live online class -yoga, kickboxing, dance, etc.

• Great when your motivation is low!

• Set yourself up for success

• Put your clothes out the night before

• Set out exercise equipment for a morning movement session.

• Cut veggies the day before so you’re ready to cook the next day.

• Do some mental gymnastics

• Whether it’s learning the lyrics to a favorite song, Sudoku, or a trying a new recipe...your brain will thank you!

2. Make a list of signs & symptoms that show you’re stuck in an old pattern (these are some of my signs)

• Eating excess sweets or snacky foods

• Too much screen time / scrolling through social media

• Daily nap time

• Piles of clutter

• Avoiding work

• Sleeping in

• Going to bed later than is good for me

3. Check in & order off your menu when you notice some of your signs/symptoms creep up.

Let me know how it goes! I’d love to hear.

Navigating the funks ;)

Yesterday morning I was in a funk. I didn’t feel like doing anything productive or creative. I also didn’t want to spend the whole day like that.

Luckily it was warm and sunny out, so I went for a walk and called an old friend. It shifted my perspective and state of being. It then led to me playing music with her- over the phone. And just like that a heartwarming, deeply connective moment came out of a funk.

For me this pandemic, and social isolating, is causing me to let go like never before. So I can’t go out freely in my community to meet up with friends and family. I can still call them and connect with them in new ways.

When I’m not moving my body enough I notice that emotional stuff gets stuck, and I bounce back and forth like a pinball. You ever feel like that? I’m unable to focus, and unable to experience joy in anything I do. When I don’t choose supportive practices right away, it keeps me in this limbo-place longer. That’s not helpful for anyone.

With so much mental and emotional information to process right now, it’s important that I step up my self-care practices. It can be simple. Taking one small, baby step out of the funk can cause a positive domino effect, like it did for me today.

What small steps help you when you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or irritable?

Yoga Lessons for Turbulent Times

As I was practicing in a little yoga mini-session this morning, I couldn’t help but see how fitting yoga’s teachings are for these uprooted times.

Yoga = union. It brings all of our pieces back together – body, breath, mind and heart. Asana, the physical practice of yoga, invites us to breathe as we shift into different positions. We can let go of external pushes and pulls, and check in with our own inner tides. The mind makes its way back from its wanderings, and wanders within the body. It scans for tension, strength, and ways that we can shift for more ease. Breath slows, expands, and strengthens. Waves of calm wash over us as we let go of to-dos, responsibilities, and dramas.

As we settle back into ourselves it reminds us of what it feels like to be back home—a home that we tend to, care for, and maintain. In Ayurveda, the definition of health = svastha = being settled within ourselves. I think of it as being comfortable in your own skin.

The current epidemic can make us feel worried and uncertain. At the same time it’s inviting us to slow down and shift our usual daily rigamorale. For me I notice that simply slowing and deepening my breath allows me to call my mind back into my body, allowing me to feel more calm and centered. I invite you to first notice when you feel out of balance. You may notice that your emotions are building, or that you’re headed down Worry Road. In those moments, you can call your attention back home with a few deep, conscious breaths. You’ll tune into your inner compass and act from a place of calm and center rather than worry and uncertainty. You can also explore what activities and practices help you to feel comfortable in your own skin. It's simple. Do more of those...even if in mini-ways.

Next week I'm offering a few online classes to support your mind-body-spirit health through Ayurveda. We'll go over a supportive daily routine, simple practices to support digestive health, and a creative exercise to work with emotional challenges. Stay tuned. In the meantime, breathe. :)

Balanced Digestion takes more than Discipline

Yes, you may need more discipline AND….a bit of compassion.  I spoke to a woman last night after I gave a talk on digestion.  She recounted her years of struggling with digestive issues.  After all that effort and attention, the issue was continuing to worsen.  She mentioned that what she needed was “more discipline.”  I get it, I’ve been there.  I’ve gone to extreme elimination diets and still felt horrible.  Discipline and diet are only part of the issue.

How we do one thing gives us a pretty good idea of how we do everything else in our lives.

Am I making this healthy eating thing complicated and difficult?  Am I forcing myself into a mold that just doesn’t fit?  Am I looking for that outside source – i.e. broccoli, a superfood, organic free-range chicken—to fulfill me?

Start from where you are, and love that.

Easier said than done sometimes, but it’s crucial for us moving through discomfort and disease.  Acknowledge where you are.  Acknowledge that you didn’t have time to make your lunch.  Be grateful that you recognized that, and purchased a wonderful store-bought meal to nourish yourself.  Be present with what is and start with gratitude.  As you become more and more present, you will be more in touch with your needs.  You’ll recognize that you didn’t have time today, and you’ll see the need to make time tomorrow.

Basically we’re balancing the masculine and feminine energies.  The masculine is about form and function.  It may be the specific foods and actions that support our health.  And…we must hold the feminine energy as well.  Whether or not the meal in front of us is the ideal, we can stop, smell the steamed veggies, and enjoy every bite.  In the end, it’s not about a destination.  It’s not about being perfect – because we never will be, and that’s boring anyway.  It’s about experiencing each moment of the journey, and learning and growing along the way.

Be gentle.  Keep it simple.  Taste every bite.

Be Average

Last weekend I spent 4 hours in an improv workshop with Veena Sood.  The biggest takeaway?  “Don’t worry about being your best.  Just be average.  You’ll feel more relaxed, and come off as more authentic.”

Whether you’re going on stage, or planning your day, it works.  I often try to be superwoman.  My to-do list gets so big that I get totally overwhelmed.  I want to do it all, and I want to do it by 8 tonight.  I end up pulling attention away from one task to plan the next.  It keeps me feeling tense, whether or not I’m productive.  It also ends up making the day feel like a whirlwind of errands crossed off the to-do list.

If I just have to be average, there’s no pressure.  I can simply do a few things, and immerse myself fully within them.  It lets me feel calm, present, and fulfilled.  That's it for today.  Go out there and Be Average.

In the Deep End

Lean into the discomfort. Ugh.  Do I have to?  Won’t it just go away?

I went to an Improv class tonight.  It was a closet dream I’d had for years.  My mind knew it might be scary, but my yearning won over today.  I went through all the spectrum of emotions once I got settled and started to realize what I got myself into.  At first the enthusiasm was still strong, the expectancy of something new.  Once I started to swim, I realized how deep the water was, that I couldn’t quite touch the bottom anymore.  All my comfortable, familiar landing places were gone.  And then the exercise would end, and we’d take our seats again.  Phew, my emotions could land, resettle.

Talking with another participant afterwards, we were able to reflect on our experience.  Sometimes we are in deeper water than we can handle, we’re uncomfortable.  We might get the timing off, or just can't think of something quick enough.  Obviously it can be embarrassing to perform something new in front of others.  We might even fall flat.  And then… the exercise ends.  In Improv, failure doesn’t last long.  You’re full on into the next exercise before you can begin lamenting where you went wrong.  While life lessons usually occur much more slowly, time often heals old disappointments, especially if we're deep into the next venture.

All the excitement, fear, stumbling, leaping, exhilaration, success and disappointment of trying something new happened in a matter of minutes.  It helped me see how much more fulfilling success really is when there is something to lose.  When I do something safe it may be pleasant, but there’s no edge.  There’s no exciting twist to the plot.  When I do something that takes a little courage, it reminds me that I’m all in.  There’s no autopilot, no falling asleep at the wheel.  I feel alive.

Failure is just a part of it.  It makes us stay in the game.  Someone famous somewhere asked, “What kind of shit sandwich are you willing to eat?”  Failure brings this question to the forefront.  It narrows our focus.  Failure lets us regroup before jumping into the deep end again.  This time, we may have a clearer goal, a more refined strategy, or frankly, are willing to eat some of that sandwich if it means we'll get there.

Courageously Yours,

Isabel

Tending to My Garden

Vulnerability.  It's scary.  How can I be vulnerable when I've been trying to cover that up for so long?  The truth is, I am vulnerable.  I am a human experiencing life, with all its ups and downs, and it affects me.  Phew, it's out.  You now know that I'm not Superwoman.  Now I can move on.  I can allow myself to feel, I can find resources to work with those feelings, and I can grow.

These last few months, maybe my whole life, I've been collecting resources to help me through this.  The biggest one I've found is in relationships.  As Hector and I have created more and more space between us, it's allowed me to find intimacy in new ways.  So often I would have tried to find intimacy in a romantic relationship.  I yoked emotional intimacy in with romantic intimacy.  When a relationship would end, I would feel emotionally betrayed, forsaken even.  In the last few months I have been fortunate enough to be a part of women's circles.  These gatherings, unlike so many meetings and workshops (which I also love), have no agenda, no set goals to achieve.  Instead, they're organically designed for us to simply support and share with each other.  Luckily, this energy is not limited to these circles.

I can't do this alone.  By "this", I mean life.  I'm learning how important relationships really are to me.  At the same time, I didn't move hundreds of miles away from those closest to me for nothing.  This is where my garden comes in.  I'm learning to get to know my internal landscape.  All those buttons my loved ones know how to push are still alive within me.  Interacting with others allowed me to see things on a grander scale.  As I step away from the human triggers, I see that I perpetuate the same patterns within my own mind, emotions, and habits.  That frustration at my own untidiness, forgetfulness, or whatever.  That's still happening.  Though someone else might have planted the seeds long ago, I have been watering these weeds for far too long.

Weeds are tricky.  They often leave roots or drop seeds, and will simply come back again.  In Permaculture we learned to read them.  Yellow dock grows where the soil is very moist, thistle where it's been disturbed.  Each weed grows there for a reason.  Part of my process involves being a counselor-detective.  Why did this weed grow in the first place?  Where is this behavior coming from?  Weed whacking isn't going to help here.  I need to bring that energy of the women's circle, full of its support and desire to help, into this yard, into myself.  With that gentle, patient, insistent love, I can work with my garden in a way that is more harmonious and in tune with who I am.  After all, I'm really looking to integrate all the parts of myself- the parts that get frustrated and the parts that just want to leave the dirty dishes in the sink.

Now I'm taking stock, and I'm taking note of all my resources.  I know what tools I have, and what folks I can reach out to for help.  Part of me wants to mow down the whole garden and start from scratch, but I know the weeds will be the first things to come back.  Instead, I'll keep the vision, and work a small section at a time.  Most importantly, I'll remember to step back every once in a while to take it all in- the weeds, the flowers, and everything in between.

Taking the Leap

This is it.  I'm jumping for it.  There's fear, but there's also excitement and hope at what lies ahead.  About a month and a half ago I left the family business, my hometown, some family and friends, and of course, Hector.  The last one is bringing tears to my eyes as I write.

For so long I was scared to express myself, I feared what others would think, I feared I wasn't OK as I am.  Now I'm speaking out, I'm being me.  I read a quote the other day, something to the effect of, "Be who you are.  Others don't have to like you.  You don't have to care."

I'm inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert, Maya Angelou, Brene Brown, Glennon Doyle Melton, and all the other women who have dared to show up fully in the world.  I'm inspired by those around me who perhaps don't have famous names, but dare to follow their dreams, one hopeful and sometimes painful step at a time.  I'm ready to acknowledge my vulnerability as a human, and to embrace the fullness of life, in all its colors.  And I'm ready now to stand up and be counted as someone who was bold enough to speak from their heart.

Over the last year I've been observing an interesting phenomenon.  All around me couples have been parting ways in a wave of conscious uncoupling.  As Hector and I started to see our relationship giving way to something new, we noticed the same happening to those around us.  There was no betrayal, no falling out of the deep human love we all had for each other.  The relationships were just becoming outdated, somehow ill-fitting now.

As I waded through the process of separation, riding the ups and downs, a friend recalled a recent dream she'd had.  Her house had burned down with everything in it.  She stood with sadness about to well up as she looked at the ashes.  A friend walked up just before a tear formed to remind her that, "We are going to build a better one."  All along the way, little nuggets of insight such as these littered my path.  To me they were signposts, reminding me I was on the right track.  As time went on, I started to hear about more and more couples starting to part ways.  I understand this may seem like a common occurrence, happening all the time, but this felt different.  This new wave was more conscious uncoupling, and less about dramatic breakups.  For Hector and I, we had just learned to lean on each other for far too long.  It was not like were were parting wounded and broken, but just a little wobbly.  Instead, we walked away hopeful and inspired to stand tall by our own merits.

And here I am, remembering what it's like to be me again, on my own two feet.  I'm working through my issues without projecting them on someone else.  I'm learning to recognize the patterns I created and continue to create in my relationships.  I'm learning how to break old cycles, and create new ones that fit who I truly want to be.  I'm learning how to rewrite my story so that "I can build a better one."